I’m supposed to be writing this week about how weight affects our energy level. However, I’m having a hard time getting past some test results that have come in. Did you know that over 50% of homes have mold? I knew that my loft in Chicago did, but didn’t think I was affected. I was on the second floor of the building, and it was found in the basement. During the first session with my new doctor, we went through a timeline of my life, and found that the decline of my health, both physically and mentally, started around 2000. She suspected mold poisoning, and she was right.
At the end of last week’s blog post, I mentioned how everything that happens to me gives me an opportunity to help others. Not only do I say this in my posts, but also when I lead retreats, during interviews, and on Podcasts. I am embarrassed to say that I am tempted to stop saying it at this point. I’ve started feeling as though I’m just inviting trouble. Sounds like superstition doesn’t it? I’m not proud of this.
Last weekend, I reached a low point. Alone in my hotel room, on the way to the Ancient Faith Writers and Podcasters Conference, I broke down. I finally admitted to God, and to myself, that I was scared, and I let the tears come. In His mercy, he had arranged for me to room with Presbytera Stacey Dorrance when I got to Antiochian Village. She was the first person I admitted to that I feel like I’ve reached my limit and I am scared. I’m embarrassed about this, because we all know that God is in control and has us covered, right? She helped get me on track again. How did He know that I would need someone like her at exactly that time? Of course He knew.
When I was becoming Orthodox, I was amazed at how many times a certain verse would come up three times in one week. I always took it as a sign that I should pay special attention, as I felt the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me something. In this case, in the past, my spiritual father has told me to pray Psalm 69 (70:2) whenever I feel helpless and weak. Something short, when it’s all that I can utter.
Oh God, make haste to help me.
Presbytera Stacey also talked to me about this. And then this weekend, Sister Vassa, through her Reflections with Morning Coffee, also brought up the same Psalm. Why is it so hard sometimes? Why is it that even though our soul knows that God is in control, and that His Will being done is truly what we want…somewhere in our head, we try to take back that control, flail about miserably, and end up crying into our pillow in a hotel room in the middle of Ohio?
Presbytera Stacey asked if I had reached out to ask for your prayers. I said I had not, because I feel like I need to be strong for you. Your fearless leader or something to that effect. But here I am asking for your prayers. For strength, for God’s healing, for the wisdom of my doctor, and my humility when it comes to admitting that I may not be as strong as I sound at times.
In the coming weeks, I will continue to share my journey with you. Step nine will be about nutrient deficiencies including firsthand knowledge of what IV therapy is like, why some people may need it, and how to find out. I will also be adding a 10th step, which will include mold poisoning, mycotoxins, and the similarities with Lyme disease, chronic fatigue, and fibromyalgia.
Please pray for me. I do feel stronger now since my “breakdown” last weekend. Thanks be to God in all things…and today especially, I thank God for you!
Please let me know if I can ever pray for you.
Your sister in Christ,